A day in the life

2011-11-21T07:07:00.000-08:00

15. I am thankful for being born in a place where I heard the Gospel. Oh, I am so thankful. I cling to the word of God these days. I encourage you to do the same.
16. I am thankful for Jesus Culture. Go look up the song "You Won't Relent." You'll be thankful, too.
17. I am thankful for the beautiful family I was able to visit with yesterday. My mother's family in Taylorsville is so dear to my heart. Each time we gather, there is something magical about it. It isn't a forced family gathering and you can tell. Every person genuinely wants to be with the next and there's so much love you almost explode.
18. I am so, so thankful for my Granny. She's 95. She's the wisest person I know. She's the smartest person I know. She's the strongest person I know; maybe not physically, but mentally, spiritually, and lovingly, there's nobody to compare. She's our matriarch. Yesterday, as our family gathered around her, I couldn't help but to notice her beautiful smile. I only hope to be half the person she is when I'm half the age she is now.
19. I am thankful that I get to see the other side of my family on Wednesday-Friday. They live much farther away and I barely get to see them. I am so excited to spend time with them!
20. I am thankful for sweet, wonderful 9th and 10th grade girls that I spend DNOW Weekend with. Looking through the eyes I so recently had that seem so far away is so interesting. I am glad to hear their stories and lives.
21. I am thankful for another day to type what I'm thankful for. I hope you're thankful for lots of things, too. Hug somebody today, y'all.

2011-11-14T11:47:00.001-08:00

9. I am thankful for good friends. I've been overwhelmed by the amount of support my friends have shown me lately. I don't deserve the blessings from God that I call friends.
10. I am thankful for being able to speak/write/sing/hear/etc. the name of God. More than anything in the world, this is what I don't deserve the most and I find myself being reminded of that daily. I am such an unworthy sinner. I wish I were more thankful for His cross.
11. I am thankful for Daniel Sullivan. This impossible to deal with human being is my best friend in the entire world. I probably wouldn't be sane if it wasn't for him. In the worst of times, I can look forward to our weekly dinners and to his advice.
12. I am thankful for Cameron Sophia Douglas. I have never seen a more beautiful creature. My eyes water just thinking about this sweet baby. I am such a proud aunt. I know she's going to grow up and be a lovely addition to the world and I'm so glad I get to be a part of that.
13. I am thankful for Facebook. Eh, you know it had to come. But really, I'm thankful to be able to keep up with people I don't get to see every day. I'm thankful that I could log on to my Facebook right now and pull up a picture of Baby Cam, because I haven't seen her today. Or maybe Laura D. because it's been a really long time since I've seen her. I just miss people like that sometimes and it's good to have a way to keep up with their lives. (Even if there is some negative to it sometimes, we're being thankful for that too!)
14. I am thankful for laughter. I wouldn't have survived my weekend without Shelby Glover, Hannah Hill, Dustin Scarborough, Daniel Sullivan, and Kaylie Bradshaw making me laugh. Laugh a little bit today, y'all.

2011-11-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

Well it's finally that time of the year again. That wonderful time when the leaves begin to change and it finally begins to cool off. I love being able to pull out my scarves and jackets and wear them around campus. In honor of November, I decided to blog each day about one thing I am thankful for. I have to catch up today, due to the fact that it's the 8th and I'm a little behind so it'll be a little longer.

1. I am thankful for sometimes broken automatic gates into Century Park. For those of you who do not know, Century Park is where I live on USM's campus. It has been lovingly nicknamed Century Prison by it's inhabitants simply due to the fact that there is so much security to get into your room. You swipe your ID to get in the gates, the building door, flash your ID, swipe your ID to get into the hallway, insert your ID in the door, and press in a 4-digit code before you're finally into your room. Needless to say, when your hands are full of bags from being home all weekend, this can be a hassle. So sometimes, I am thankful that the first outside gate is broken and stays open.
2. I am thankful for Alex Milstead. This is my roommate, who I am convinced God gave me because he knew I needed someone who would understand anything and everything. When my headaches are at the worst, she turns off the lights and pops in a Disney movie until I fall asleep. She also doesn't call me a nerd when I stay in and read all day instead of going out, even though she's probably thinking it. And she also was one of the main reasons/encouragers of my decision to go through sorority recruitment. Which leads me to my next point.
3. I am thankful for the Epsilon Delta chapter of Chi Omega (and the national fraternity as well, but especially this one). To everyone who thinks that Greek organizations are wrong, well shame on you. I have never met a classier, more well-educated, and more beautiful group of women. I am so proud to call them my sisters.
4. I am thankful for my Kindle. I have spent almost 12 hours reading in the past 2 days. I think that speaks for itself.
5. I am thankful for my eyesight. I saw a really beautiful sunset today.
6. I am thankful for books. Without books, I truly don't know what I would do all day. I think I would lose my mind and please, understand that I'm not just saying that. Anyone who needs vouching can simply ask my roommate. I've spent more time reading than anything this past week, it's really very sad.
7. I'm thankful for non-communal bathrooms in our dorm. That would be just awkward.
8. I'm thankful it's not 1901. I sort of stole this one from a friend, but I don't think she'd mind too much. I'm thankful it's not 1901 because of my headaches. If it were 1901, I definitely would not be able to function on a day to day basis with my migraines. The medicine then was simply not good enough. I'm thankful that I have a doctor prescribing me medicine that will allow me to go about my activities daily and be able to take on my daily challenges.

That's all for today. Be back tomorrow with more thanksgivings.

Just a few things.

2011-09-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

I haven't been a good blogger lately, so I'm sorry about that. But anyway, my life is pretty swell. I promise I am going to do better about blogging. Sister's baby will be here soon and I will have precious pictures to post of Cameron Sophia, the love of my life. Also, I am all moved off to college so that's new. But my roommate is wonderful and I don't know what I'd do without her some days. She's great about my headaches. And yes, I still have dwarves hammering in my head, in case you're wondering. And I wish I had a picture of my dorm to show the world, but I don't so all of you will have to deal with that for now. Maybe I'll have one next time. Being a college student is taking up all my time that I used to take pictures with. I spend it doing HOMEWORK. It's a new concept for me. Mom and Dad are proud and all. Anyway, it's almost time for my next class (I have four today), so I better get going. For those of you who are my prayer warriors, please continue to pray for my headaches and add my friend, Brock, as he left for Navy boot camp three weeks ago this past Wednesday. My love to all of you.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

2011-04-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

I bought my first bag of Cadbury Eggs today.....that is all.

My cup overflows...and stuff...

2011-03-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

Sooo, I could possibly be the most blessed person on the planet.

Let's see the list:
1. Today, I helped with the Special Olympics at JCJC. I was assigned a small girl named Sierra. Sierra is autistic and does not like to be touched and will not talk to most people. At least, that's what they tell me. After being with this child for 5 minutes, she latched on to me and didn't let go...even when I had to leave. As I was trying to leave, she reached up, pulled my arm so that I was at her eye level, and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I will never forget that moment.
2. Also today, I was informed that I will be on a full scholarship to the University of Southern Mississippi. SMTTT!!! :)
3. I have not had a day in 3 days when I have had to stop what I am doing and go get in my bed because my head hurts.
4. Starting three weeks ago, I have begun tutoring two children at South Jones Elementary school to learn English. Their names are Fatima and Brayan, who moved here from Mexico at the end of last semester. Neither spoke a word of English until I and two other students began working with them. Fatima is who I mainly work with, leaving Brayan to a male student. Yesterday, Fatima read her first complete paragraph in English!

It's not a lot, but it means a lot to me.. I am feeling so blessed.. Thanks God!

2011-01-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

"There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it..."

So begins C.S. Lewis' classic work, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." The feature film version opened yesterday in theaters.

I know Eustace, the pouting, self-centered, peevish tormentor. He makes me smirk, chuckle and squirm, because I see actual people I know in his character, including - mostly - myself...

"Dawn Treader" is Eustace's story, and mine: how a human soul can descent to monstrous depths, then find un expected and undeserved redemption through surrender to One who alone can convert.

Spoiler: On an island where Eustace is supposed to be helping the mission at hand, he instead sneaks off and finds a dragon's lair. There, fed by his greed for the horde of treasure Eustace is transformed into a dragon. At first he relishes the power, but soon isolation and shame make him realize the truth: he is an intolerable monster. He begins to want to change.

That night, a lion comes to Eustace telling him to "undress" out of his dragon-ness. Eustace tries to scratch at his skin. At first it seems to work, as the scales slip off like a banana peel. But just as soon Eustace discover that another layer of dragon skin lies beneath the first. In despair Eustace realizes he cannot cure himself. He isn't merely wearing a dragon suit; he IS a dragon...

But wonders never cease; there is no magic, even in Narnia, but there are miracles... Eustace via Lewis later describes what happened next...

"Then the lion said -- but I don't know if it spoke -- "You will have to let me undress you." I was afraid of his claws, but I can tell you, I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.... That very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off."

Lewis tells truth: Conversion begins only when I recognize that I cannot change my skin. There is no "self-help," no "extreme soul makeover." I can never cure myself. Only if and only when I surrender to the One who rips deep the fibers of our dragon-ness, can I ever hope to be the girl, the woman I was created to become...

I am Eustace Scrub... Then, and now...

2010-10-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I wake up in the mornings and ask myself where the time goes.

It's been one year.

It's been one year since I was driving to school for homecoming.
I remember the exact spot my car was on the road when I got the call.
"Corey...he's been killed in a car accident. Somner Jo is alive, but Corey is dead."
Those words... They have been drilled in my memory. I think of them daily.
The next week was literally the week from hell.
Nobody had class Monday morning. At least, the Junior classes didn't. We all gathered in the hallway crying and holding each other.
Our #80 was gone. Never to walk down the hallways with us again.
The days were a numb blur. The visitation, the funeral. Nothing seemed real.
I still have nightmares of his mother, screaming at the top of her lungs, begging that God give her back her baby boy.
But, I have learned more from Corey than ever. He always used to make my days better. Every day in class, he had something funny to say or do. When we gathered together as a class for his memorial, there was nothing bad to say. Not because everyone had respect, but because nobody had anything bad to say about him. Simple as that.
But that's not the only thing I learned.
This was my last conversation with Corey.

**My friend Ty and I were walking down the hallway. Corey was walking towards us...

Ty: Hey man, what's going on? You still coming over Saturday?
Corey: Hey Ty, hey Kellie. Yeah man, I'll be there.
Me: Will you be at church Sunday morning?
Ty: You can ride with me
Corey: Yeah, I'll be there. Save me a seat..

At 4:12 PM on October 16, 2009, he was killed coming home from spending time with his friend Somner Jo.

Ty still saved him a seat on Sunday morning...

I learned not to take for granted the fact that someone may not show up for church Sunday morning... May none of us ever do so.

Pray for my class and I as we are still healing from the loss of our dear friend, Corey. He was such an important part of each of our hearts.

2010-10-05T13:05:00.001-07:00

It's crazy how things happen...

I have a sweet friend who is adamant about the fact that everything happens for a reason. I'm starting to believe her more and more. This morning was just one of those mornings. You know what I'm saying. Nothing can go right. Exactly. Yet, I have another sweet friend that sends me a Bible verse every morning. Usually I read them and I'm like, "eh thanks. whatever." But today, the verse was "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." -Isaiah 41:10 How curious it is that my verse friend sent me my reason friend's favorite verse, if that makes sense. Guess that first friend was right, everything DOES happen for a reason.

I miss...

2010-09-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

1. Kerry Allen
2. Laura Daniels
3. Cold football nights
4. My long sleeves and jackets
5. Not having to study for tests
6. Mrs. Jen's blog
7. Super Summer
8. My bed
9. My family group from Super Summer/Anna Laura/Ashley
10. No headache days

2010-09-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

"Most true is it that 'beauty is in the eye of the gazer.' My master’s colourless, olive face, square, massive brow, broad and jetty eyebrows, deep eyes, strong features, firm, grim mouth, — all energy, decision, will, — were not beautiful, according to rule; but they were more than beautiful to me; they were full of an interest, an influence that quite mastered me, — that took my feelings from my own power and fettered them in his. I had not intended to love him; the reader knows I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and now, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously arrived, green and strong! He made me love him without looking at me." -Jane Eyre

My sweet friend recently posted a new blog about love. I was so moved by it, I decided to give my thoughts as well. The above quote is from the novel Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. She is not a well known author to anybody but English geeks, of which I am. But this book is just so beautiful. Yes, it is a love story, which I'm typically not into, but this one was more. This is a true love story. One every girl is born with the desire to have. But, to me, there is one more beautiful than that of a human love. So here's another quote for you:

"For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called."
-Isaiah 54:5

I don't know, maybe it's just me. But when I go to walk down the aisle in my white dress, I want the man that's standing at the end to know that he is third man I have loved. Because first, I fell in love with my sweet daddy. And then, I fell in love with my Heavenly Father. I have a feeling that won't be a big deal though. The man I marry will love me just as Christ has loved the church, of this I am sure.

"Love is patient. Love is kind..."

go underground/foreign

2010-08-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

that wednesday was interesting, to say the least. never have i felt so in tune with the love of God. not in the greatest worship service with the loudest amp or piano. however, i went a whole week thinking it was just me. only i heard from the Lord, and that was okay. i will be honest, it was discouraging at times to know that i felt so moved and no one else did...or so i thought. boy, was i wrong. as i sat in my chair(yes, they put them back. against my wishes)last week during the sermon, bro. stephen asked someone to share something that God is doing in their life(remember that, because it's important for later), and this small boy in the back right corner of the room slowly raised his precious hand. "yes, chase?" "well, bro. stephen, last week, when we were doing underground church, i was really moved and felt God's presence for the first time in my life. i didn't really know what to do, but because i was shown that all i needed is God, i asked Him to be my Saviour." .....and my heart stopped. here i was thinking for a whole week that nobody cared or got anything out of it, and this boy...he was added to our number. talk about encouraging. praise the Lord, whose word is enough.
secondly, remember that question bro. stephen asked? well, here's my answer. goodbye america. hello el salvador. scary, eh? but here i am. surrendered to God's purpose after fighting it for so long. who am i to stand in the face of the Almighty and say no? so i am not fighting anymore. i am turning it all over. and if that means leaving all i am comfortable with, then so be it. hello poverty. hello trials. hello oppression. hello prison. hello death. truly, was it my life anyway? i think not. so, i ask for your prayers. because i am scared out of my mind. because my calling is not one that many kids my age just get and follow, not uplifting myself in any way. Lord knows i'm far from perfect. but my world is changed. my priorities have changed. i follow the Risen King, who took my sinner's cross. and to me, there's nothing better to die for.

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21

go underground

2010-08-17T15:26:00.001-07:00

tomorrow night shall be interesting. the praise band and i have decided to "go underground" with our worship. our hearts were burdened for our brothers and sisters across the world who have to confine their worship to a small, wet, cramped room because it is illegal to praise our Lord in their countries. so we will worship as they do. no lights. no ac. no sound system. no chairs. simply our songs and praises and, most importantly, God's Word. because that is enough. be in prayer as we do this. be in prayer that our youth and adults will wake up from the american dream and realize that all the lights, chairs, etc aren't necessary for anything. all that is needed is God's word. because that is enough.

Name Game

2010-08-02T22:44:00.000-07:00

The Names of Jesus are beautiful to me. So I thought I'd share a few.

Elohim=Creator God
El Olam=The Everlasting One
El Elyon=Our God Most High
El Shaddai=All Sufficient God
Jehovah Jireh=God provides
Sabaoth=The Lord of hosts on high
Jehovah Raah=God Is Our Shepherd
Lord Shammah=God Is Ever Near
Adonai=The Master Who Leads
El Roi=God Who Watches Over Me
Lord Shalom=The God Of peace
Immanuel=God Here With Me

Much love.

2010-07-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

T-minus 10 days. 10 days until I have to take my first AP Gov. test. 10 days until I have to find a completely new locker, if I even have one due to the fact the school is six short and it would be my luck that I'd be one of those six that didn't get one. 10 days until I have to get up at SIX O'CLOCK EVERY DAY. (I didn't even know that SIX A.M. existed.) 10 days until I don't get to wake up when I want and get dressed however I want and go swimming and watch movies for three days straight and... Man, I'm going to miss summer. Somebody take me to the beach. Anyway, the point is, I have 10 days before I return to the biggest mission field I have ever stood/will ever stand on and you know what? I'm not scared. Well, I take that back. I am scared out of my mind. But hey, who am I to take advantage of such an opportunity? "And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as thing?" (Esther 4:14b) I ask for your prayers, my faithful few. Anyway, that's pretty much it. I leave for Back-to-School Retreat in about 14ish hours!
Stay faithful, you few. Much love

The up and up

2010-07-17T11:00:00.000-07:00

Truth is, I didn't want to steal Sarah's last post title. This is mostly just an update.
Well, I just returned from Super Summer. And may have radically changed my desire for the future. But for right now, I am praying for the will of God who is on the throne to be shown to me. It's an every day struggle, but hey, who said life was easy?
Next topic, I have my smile back. It left for a while and due to events over the past month, it's back. Praise Jesus. Have you ever realized how much you missed being happy when you aren't for a while? Well, I have. And I thank God that He used such a dark time in my life for His glory. Next, I am still addicted to www.givesmehope.com. Look it up and buy some Kleenexes. Uhh.. What else? Oh! Summer projects are officially due in 11 days.....and I haven't started. Goooood. Next, I have to speak at church Sunday night and I have so much to say, but not really sure how. It's hard to stand in front of a group of people who sometimes like youth and sometimes don't and say, "I know I'm 17, but I want to die for Christ. And I think that you should offer your everything, too." So that's a big burden on me right now. But God is Jehovah Jirah. He will provide. Next, I have a new mission I ask you pray for. A girl at Super Summer named Kristin's dad passed away this past spring break. Through this, Kristin decided to start a movement called "Million Meals". Her goal is to feed 1,000,000 children in 3rd world countries who do not have food and are starving. She sells these radical t-shirts for 10 bucks and all the proceeds go to the mission 100%. For every shirt you buy, it's 26 meals. At SS, we raised 5,000 dollars, which will feed 20,000 kids roughly. So if you're interested in a shirt, let me know. They say "WE ARE ENDING WORLD HUNGER" on the front in big letters. But prayers are always just as good. So I guess that's it. My life is crazy, awkward, and stressful, but strangely, that's normal for me. Hope you all are well. Maybe you'll see me smile soon. I do it a lot more.

With every breath I'm breathing in,
I'll be trying to make it so much more
'Cause I'm on the up and up...

Addicted

2010-06-29T12:54:00.000-07:00

Well, I have a new addiction. It's called GivesMeHope. It's called the "FML for Optimists." Warning: If you have a tendency to cry easily over sweet or hopeful things, then you may want to post a box of Kleenexes next to you like I did. But, I've never read anything more hopeful. Blessings friends.

Brain waves.

2010-06-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

Where to begin? Well, I guess I could start with why this post is coming on a Sunday morning at the same time as church service. I promise I tried very hard to stay, and I promise I wanted to. But sometimes, you just need to go home. And today was one of those days. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely not complaining. I've just learned that things aren't always in your control, and frankly, I like it that way. I am the first to say there's power in a beautiful sermon from a pulpit, but there's just as much, if not more, power in the quiet personal lessons. So that's what I've been doing this morning while the pain ravages against me. Paul and Francis Chan. (I would marry either in a heart beat.) From Paul, I've read Romans. What a wonderful, blunt book. And it goes so well with the Francis Chan book I'm currently reading called Forgotten God. It's all about the Holy Spirit and how the church today is missing out. And I agree! In Romans 8:2, Paul says, "For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death." I guess my heart is just burdened for the lack of my belief in the Spirit sometimes. When Jesus ascended, He told His disciples it was BETTER that He leave so that the Holy Spirit may come. Personally, I don't appreciate that fact enough. I hope that you'll pray for me, friends, that I may better understand the importance of the Holy Spirit.

Side note: I thought of an old friend today. One whose life motto is "Fearless". I think she would love this quote.
"The Lord challenges us to suffer persecutions and to confess him. He wants those who belong to him to be brave and fearless. He himself shows how weakness of the flesh is overcome by courage of the Spirit. This is the testimony of the apostles and in particular of the representative, administrating Spirit. A Christian is fearless." -Tertullian

Much love to all. May the Holy Spirit prevail in your lives.

PS- Thanks, Kaci, for getting me addicted to the online games.

And two shall become one...

2010-06-11T21:19:00.000-07:00

So... Best Friend and Plan B are getting married tomorrow. After 4 years of dating and love, they're finally ending their lives... I mean tying the knot! I almost feel accomplished, although this has nothing to do with me. I guess that makes me lame. Whatever. Anyway, she looks beautiful in her dress and the lilac color is wonderful and fits so well with the time of the year. She makes me proud. Thankfully, my dress still fits even though, before today, I hadn't tried it on since January. I'm not sure if I can stand on the stage as she gets married. Somebody may have to hold me up. I'm going to be the bad bridesmaid who cries the whole time. Ah well... It'll be alright. Back to my story, Best Friend has become a decision-making-machine and I can't help but remember driving to visit Laura Loo in Tupelo and discussing her colors. She had originally picked blue, but then changed her mind(imagine that). But, she decided on a color, a flower, and all that other wedding stuff. I feel like a proud parent... Again, Kellie is LAME. But yeah, they're getting married. And I'm happy. And they are. And that's what matters. Peace and blessing everyone. Oh, be at FBC tomorrow at 2. MY BEST FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED.

Bathroom floors aren't nice

2010-05-20T06:16:00.001-07:00

Well, not to be a Debbie Downer, but I spoke too soon. Yesterday was bad. Real bad. I woke up yesterday with a headache that seemed to say, "Nana, nana, boo, boo. You thought I was gone! Well I'll show you!" And boy, did it. I was fainted on the floor when Mom got home. It's been a while since that has happened. Just asking for prayers, guys. The Lord has a plan through this, but I just don't know what it is yet.

To those who are wondering...

2010-04-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

To those who are wondering, I am doing wonderful.

To those who are wondering, my body is trying very hard not to allow it.

To those who are wondering, I still have headaches.

To those who are wondering, they got really, really bad for a few months back in the fall.

To those who are wondering, I think that for the first time, we may have found something that works.

To those who are wondering, I have had 5 complete days without pain.

To those who are wondering, I don't thank the physical therapy.

To those who are wondering, I praise the God who wakes me up in the mornings and lays me down at night.

To those who are wondering, I praise the God who is a HEALER.

To those who are wondering, I praise the God who is never failing and never ending.

To those who are wondering, I am doing wonderful.

Defeated? Never.

2010-02-28T15:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a long three weeks... It's been a long journey to get to here... One of those times when nothing makes the pain completely go away... But am I defeated? Never. Am I weak? "Weak" is an understatement. But am I defeated? Never.

It's been a long three weeks... My great-grandmother, on whom my entire family relies for direction, has been diagnosed with congenital heart failure... Ask me what that means, and I'll tell you that your guess is as good as mine. The doctor put it as, "Mrs. Eaton's heart is failing. She could live 5 years or 5 hours. But she's a fighter, your grandmother." And so she is. Is she weak? "Weak" is an understatement. But is she defeated? Never. She taught me that early. Granny has always been the one who taught me the most about the Bible, about loving people, and about never being defeated.

It's been a long three weeks... She got really bad one day. We didn't think she was going to make it. The day after, we went to visit. Her only words? "Psalm 23, my dear. " And then she quoted it. All of it. She took my hand and said, "Words to live by, honey. You should learn them and hide them in your heart." Is she weak? "Weak" is an understatement. But is she defeated? Never.

My grandmother has taught me many things over the years. How to set a table, how to love the unlovable, but most importantly.. She taught me that I am never defeated.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Am I weak? "Weak" is an understatement. But am I defeated? Never.

For Greater Things Have Yet to Come..

2009-09-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

A week ago today, I was on my home from the 2nd greatest mission trip of my life, the first being a year ago in Bay St. Louis. Some of you might be familiar with the Bluetree song "God of This City". If you have not heard the story, it is very powerful and I suggest you google it(ahem.. Mrs.Jen ha) The basic story is they were playing a show overseas and they were in the middle of a market where drugs, sex, and slaves were being sold. As they stood on the stage of this rundown church, the pianist began to play a simple riff and began to sing "Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city" over and over. They stood there for hours singing about how God is still the Lord over this corrupt city and that He would still be King over this city in the end. I could not help but think of this story/song as I returned home from my time New Orleans. How rundown and corrupt the streets are there. How it saddens my soul. But greater things have yet to come. So, our youth made the 2 1/2 hour drive to NOLA last Saturday morning and partnered with Vintage Church on Magazine Street. (The church of Rob Wilton if you know who that is.) We took 90 people with us, youth, men, women, and children. We split into teams and were dispersed amongst the local NOLA area. My team's job was to help out the local Winn Dixie with trash and buggies, etc. After about 2 hours of this, however, we were beginning to feel like we were getting nothing accomplished, so, we moved to half at Winn Dixie and half walking down the sidewalks and picking up the trash there. I elected to walk with my best friend, Drew, and help him with trash. As we walked along, this older women came up to us and said, "You have no idea what you are doing here. Thank you so much. We appreciate you." We simply replied, "We just want to show the love and care of our Lord Jesus." At this point, we noticed that she had these big boxes in her arms. (The rest of the conversation will be myself in regular bold and her responses in bold italics.) "Ma'am, can we help you with those? They look heavy." "Well, I have these, but you know, I live right across the street and I'm moving out of my house and I can't move those. Would you mind helping me?" "No ma'am, of course not." So we got some of other team and went and helped her move. As we walked in to this small house, we immediately noticed a man lying in the bed because the whole house had no doors, just walls. The woman's sisters were also there trying to move things, but one was older and one had a hurt leg. As we began, it ended up where I came back in after putting a box in the van and I was alone in the room with this woman. She turned to me and just began to weep... She hugged me and.. "You just don't know, child. What you have done. My husband, the man in the bed, he is very ill. My sisters and I are old. We had to be out today, child. We had today, and that was it. If we didn't get out today, we would lose our house. I would have never been able to lift these boxes or move all this stuff. You just don't know, child. God sent you. You are proof that God still listens and still cares." The tears began to fall down my face. "I prayed you would come. I prayed that God would provide just some way for us to be able to do this." When we were done moving and I was done crying, our team and her family, minus her husband who did nothing but lie in his bed and groan the whole time we were there(which made my heart hurt for this precious family), got together and held hands and I had the opportunity to pray for these precious people who now have their first house with doors since Katrina!
There is truly no one like our God. For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city...

Such A Longing In My Soul

2009-09-05T11:43:00.001-07:00

In recent days, I have found myself with such a longing in my soul for so many things. Longing to be better at things. Longing to be in the presence of some of the people I have been without for too long. But the thing I have been longing for the most, more than anything in the world, is to be in the presence of Christ. To be with Him in a place where my heart can no longer hurt, my body can no longer be sick, and where I can experience true joy.

"How lovely is Your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts! My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God." -Psalm 84:1-2

Another thing I long for, that is just under the previous, is to be like the apostles. To be a better follower of the one, true God. I want to please my Jesus. I want Him to be completely unashamed of me and of my actions. We can read in the Bible of the uncountable amount of times that the apostles suffered for the precious, holy name of Christ. However, there has to be one that sticks out the most to me. That encourages me in the best ways. If you have the chance, I would encourage you to read the passage of Acts 5:17-42. The basic jist (is that the correct spelling of that word?) of this story is like most of the others. The apostles were preaching the name of my Jesus and were arrested by the high priests and told to stop. However, this particular passage has one verse that just stands out to me. That means more than the rest.

"Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were worthy enough to suffer dishonor for the name of Christ." -Acts 5:41

Worthy, worthy is the Lamb who was slain for a worthless sinner like me. Worthy, worthy is the Lamb who loved, loves, and will continue to love those who reject Him. Worthy, worthy is the Lamb who never fails. Worthy, worthy is the Lamb who redeems even me. Worthy, worthy is the Lamb who so much more than "deserves" my love and everything. Worthy, worthy is the Lamb.

I have such a longing in my soul....

I'm just not made to be boxer.

2009-07-07T15:53:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have come to the realization that my purpose in life was not to be a boxer. I'm just not programmed for a fight. If somebody hit me like the guy in this picture is being hit, I would probably just lay down and die. But it's funny how God uses the things that you are completely terrible at to flip your world upside down.

So here's the story.

I've been praying about something for a bit now and my heart was divided about it. I didn't know what I wanted, but more importantly, I didn't know what God wanted. I kept asking God to fix it or solve it or just make it go away. I thought that this was only to do with me. That nothing else mattered but if I was okay. Boy, was I wrong! As I was praying yesterday, I suddenly felt like this guy in this "attractive" photo. Reality changed in seconds.. And not just a little, but epically changed! I felt the voice of God saying, "Can you please quit thinking about just yourself? Your petty issues are nothing compared to my bigger purpose! This isn't about you and this isn't about making you feel better! I have a plan. I never left. And I wasn't surprised by this. I didn't sit on my throne and freak out about what to do. I'm here and I'm everlasting. I was here before this, I am here during this, and I will be here after this is over. I am everything you need."

...And He is.

When I am completely wrong, He was always completely right. When my body is weak, He has always been completely strong. When I lose, He has always won. When I don't believe, He never quit believing. When I hate, He never quit loving. When I lie, He was always the truth. When I fail, He has always been more than successful.

He doesn't "fix" things, He works them out for His purpose. He goes into the ring of life and boxes in my place. Except his boxing gloves didn't cover his hands. His "glove" was in the shape of a cross, when He punched the Devil's lights out. And the coolest part?? Satan never got back up!

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I hope you all are well. I pray for each of you and love you.

God bless your lives.

My Testimony

2009-03-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

I think every person should share their testimony at least once in their life so I thought I should share mine with my fellow bloggers.

I was nine. My mom was the basketball coach at Jones and she would take me to work with her on days we didn't have school. On those days, there were 8 of us kids. The coaches kids, that is. Well there was this one in particular. His name is unimportant. Mostly because of the life he now lives. Anyway, back to the story. I was nine. I went to church with these same kids that stayed with me on those off days. This boy. We'll call him Joe. Joe chose to give his life to the Lord. Now, at that point in my life, Joe had much influence on me. A lot of what I did involved him. I remember it like it was yesterday. When he was saved from his sin, his life did a total 180. His ways changed, his talk changed, his attitude changed. And man.... Did I want some of that! It was like seeing this pair of jeans that I wanted more than anything in the world. I didn't just want what Joe had. I HAD TO HAVE what Joe had! He had such joy.. Such overwhelming joy.. So, I finally got up the courage. "Mama... What's wrong with Joe? Why is he so different?" She just laughed and said, "He found Jesus, boo." (side note: my parents do, in fact, call me boo. but it's because of yogi. my dad is corny and has been quoting that lovable old bear since I was small. so if you ever hear them call me boo boo, that's why) So, here I was. Nine years old and in desperate need of a Saviour. And yes, I did walk an aisle and tell people the decision I had made. But my decision to follow Him did not come from signing a piece of paper that said I was joining the church. I served, and continue to serve, a God who wants the little children and the eighty year old widows. Just a little info on me: My earthly hero is a girl named Rachel Scott. Most of you will know her as the first victim to die in the Columbine Shooting. However, she was so much more. She was a girl who loved as Jesus did. She saw past the outside and saw the inside. Those boys killed her because of who she belonged to. In a video journal they made right before they went on their killing spree and killed thirteen innocent students, they documented how much they hated her for what she believed and even though she'd never done anything wrong to them, she was to die because of what she believed. A friend that was eating with her when the boys attacked her told of her last few minutes. The boys shot her in the leg as she was eating. As she tried to crawl away, one of the boys grabbed her by her hair and said, "Where is your God now? Do you still believe? Do you still believe in God?" Without missing a beat, knowing exactly what she was doing, Rachel simply replied, "Yes." Her answer was, "Then go be with him."...and he shot her. In the last 2 years or so, I came into possession of a copy of her journal. I challenge every person to read it. It's called the "Journals of Rachel Scott" and it has a place in it for you to write also.

So this is it. My humble testimony. Take it or leave it. My life mission doesn't involve the approval of those here on the Earth. As Christ's followers, let us follow the example he left. As Rachel did and as Joe did. Shine your light.

Never back down.

And the walls came tumbling down..

2009-02-26T13:16:00.000-08:00

So if you are a follower of my blog, you might remember my first post. It was the one about the revolving door. Well, I have a new outlook. Last night, I went to my church service for the youth like I do every Wednesday. And I was completely stopped in my tracks! Okay recap:

Everyone has a revolving door that they don't believe God can slam shut and take away. An addiction, a disease, an abusive person in your life, etc. But, in reality, if one would just believe then God can fill you with love and joy.

So here's the coolest part:

Guess what Bro. Stephen preached on last night?

Okay no.. Not a revolving door. BUT something along the same lines. Remember the story of the Israelites and the battle of Jericho? When God told them to walk around this huge wall for 6 days and scream. That's it. Scream. what do you think they were thinking? Probably thought God was crazy and didn't know what He was doing. They didn't believe that the wall would come down. Sound like a revolving door to you? My jaw literally hit the floor!

So, here's the challenge. Ask God what your "wall" is and ask Him to help you tear the sucker down!

Much love to the followers.

Never back down.

My "Suicide" Letter

2009-02-18T17:45:00.000-08:00

Dear World,
You've lost another one. I can't go on like this anymore. If you loved me like you made it seem you did, I wouldn't hurt like this sometimes. I wouldn't be sad or broken. The stuff that you want me to do, the sex, the drugs, the alcohol, you said they'd be fun. Not addicting and life-ruining. Why'd you lie to me? Why did you tell me that if I just stayed the same and never left my mark on the lives of others that it would eat me up? That I would crash and burn? Well, I've found something better. Something you tried so hard to keep me away from. Something, now that I've tasted it, that makes me see how absurd you and your ways are. Something that calls me to something better. Maybe I should say someONE. Someone who doesn't hurt me like you do, World. Someone who gives me joy, even when you try to tear me down! You and your stupid ways. Can't you see World? Can't you see that there's so much more out there? So here goes. Gun to my head and BLAM!! There went my freedom. There went some friends. There went my popularity. I'm committing spiritual suicide and never looking back. Never backing down. What about you brothers and sisters? Will you join me? Sell out and live for HIM. He wants you even though we are lowly sinners and undeserving!

NEVER BACK DOWN

Romans 12:2-Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Fingerprints

2009-02-04T18:04:00.000-08:00

In Genesis 2, one can read about how God created man in His image from the dust and breathed His life into man.

Did you get that?

Maybe I should repeat...

GOD created man in HIS image from the dust and breathed HIS life into man.

I have had an epiphany!

There is no telling how many times I have read this book of the Bible and it's never gotten to me.

HIS fingerprints! HIS breath!

Anybody feeling me here??

I've realized that looking at my life, there are only parts that He has His fingerprints on. And that there are tons of places where I could let Him touch me more. Man... If only I was perfect, eh?

(insert huge sigh here)

HIS fingerprints are imprinted on my heart. On my mind. And hopefully, on my life.

On a side note, my results are being read on Feb. 16. Your thoughts and prayers would be greatly appreciated.

No matter what, His will be done.

Unashamed

2009-01-27T16:29:00.000-08:00

This is Reed. Reed moved to my town 5 years ago. First, God blessed with me with a friend. But then I realized... He didn't bless me with just a best friend. He blessed me the sister I never had.

Reed and I talk about everything together. Our boyfriends, our Bible studies, our home life, etc.

Recently, Reed and I discussed a very important issue..

Shame.

Or more specifically, God's shame on us. In the wonderful book of Hebrews in the Bible, chapter 11, the writer speaks of all the people who lived by faith. At the end of this long list, it says that even thought they were foreigners and aliens to this world and even though they never lived to see the reward, they remained faithful and GOD WAS NOT ASHAMED TO BE CALLED THEIR GOD.

So here's my thing....

Sometimes....

I think I make God ashamed of me. And the beautiful irony of it is, even though I must be such a disappointment sometimes, He still wants me. And He doesn't want to live without me.

Isn't that beautiful?

I've been amazed by Him these past few days. More than ever. And you know.. I really don't know how people think they can live without Him!

Dear God,

I, with Your help, want to live so You will forever be unashamed of me. You are amazing and I want to become more like You with every breath I breathe.

I love you

So what about you? You with me?

A Mother's Love

2009-01-16T06:34:00.000-08:00

I can't begin to tell you about the times that I've hurt over the past 4 years. It wouldn't be worth the time.

But, looking back, there is one person who has always stood by me. Who has held my hand when I had the shots or they took the blood.

I have been blessed with a mother who never fails to love me.. Even when I'm unlovable!

I'll never forget...

We were leaving one of my million doctors' appointments. I was crying because I was hurting and the doctor had again said, "I just don't know.."

My mom... She turned and looked at me and said, "We'll find the answer, my daughter. I would work day and night if I had to, so we could pay for you to get better. It's in His hands now."

A mother's love is irreplaceable. Especially my mother's because hers comes not only with just a worldly love but she loves me as God has called her to. My mother means more to me than anyone in the world. Now, that doesn't mean that we don't get in arguments.. We do. But that just makes us love each other more. Even when she looks at me and says, "You're being your father right now!" It always comes with a big laugh at the end.

My mom isn't perfect but in my eyes, she's the best mother in the world and I could only hope to be as great of a mother as she has been/is/and will be!

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised highly." -Proverbs 31:30

I love you Mom. You are wonderful.

Christianity is..

2009-01-10T21:09:00.000-08:00

Christianity is not a list of rules.

I recently had a conversation with Brock and

Mrs. Jennifer about how sad it is that many Christians seem to think that to be in a relationship with My Jesus, you have to follow a list of rules or commandments. And if you don't, then you can't love Him as much as some others who THINK they do.

Good ol pieces of flair.. Always teaching me something..

A friend sent me a piece of flair one time that said, "If you can earn it, WHY did Jesus have to die?"

And that's the honest truth. I don't care what anyone tells you.. The truth is, we don't have to follow some set of rules to have Him in our life. However, if you really love Him, then you'll want to strive to be perfect like Him. You can't measure the degree of your love or anyone else's love for Jesus by how much you do right..

His love covered our blemishes. His love cured our disease. His love brought us out of darkness into light. His love.. His love.. His love.. That's what life is about. Christ's love is not a set of rules and regulations that shouldn't be broken. Christ's love is the ultimate gift of beauty, mercy, and grace. It is our beacon of light when the times get rough. And even though we are ugly, broken, sinful humans.. He wants us. Not our rules. Our hearts and lives..

And that's exactly what He deserves!

"Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is fulfilling the law." -Romans 13:10

"For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin." -Romans 3:20

"yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified." -Galations 2:16

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments and ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of two, so making peace." -Ephesians 2:13-15

"and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith." -Philippians 3:9

"(for the law made nothing perfect); but on the other hand, a better hope is introduced, through which we draw near to God." -Hebrews 7:19

My Revolving Door

2009-01-09T20:36:00.000-08:00

Being a "normal" teenager, if you can call me that, I have a Facebook. I know some may consider these to be a waste of time, but I must inform you how much of a blessing they can be and how God can use them to do wonderful things. Well, in seeing that I have a Facebook, I receive these wonderful things called pieces of flair. Recently, one of my friends sent me one that said, "Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door." Now, my friend sent this as something funny, and I admit, it did make me laugh, however, the Lord laid upon my heart this lesson,

Everyone has a revolving door.. Something that they just keep back and don't let God solve. That we say they know He can "slam" it but we hold back. We put ourselves through unnecessary pain and suffering even though if we would just let HIM solve it, it would work so much better!

And then I asked Him....

"Lord, what's my revolving door that I need to let you 'slam'?"

So here goes..

For the longest time, almost 2 years now, I've hidden it away in my heart that the Lord can't make me better. That He can't stop my pain that burdens my life daily. That He won't ever give me a doctor who knows what is wrong, and why I feel this way.

But now... Now... I am stepping out of the door that goes around and around and around and allowing Him to slam it behind me.

Lord,

Please teach me what it's like to trust you totally and completely.

Slam my door. Rule my life.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

-2 Corinthians 12:8-9

"For nothing is impossible with God."

-Luke 1:37